I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize