I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
