It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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