Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
