Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
