I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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