i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize