he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
