I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
