While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Enjoy the penises
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize