My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
