I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
