Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize