oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you win again, gameday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize