I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
