your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I looked at my own cervix.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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