she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
