we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
