capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize