Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
