just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
