If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
