Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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