Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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