so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
