ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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