By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
