someone owes me an orgasm
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
