you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
