We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
