Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
