Nicole vs. Life
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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