apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
