Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
