I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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