At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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