Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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