I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
