first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
