he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
