Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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