Whod you bang
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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