All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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