nut hugger
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we're making bets on your personal life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
