Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
