If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Houston, we have a blender
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
