big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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