apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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