i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
