There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
