Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
