I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
