T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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