Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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