He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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