Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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