It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
