i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
