If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
