yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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