Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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