i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
