So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
