Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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