Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
