I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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