Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
