that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
