My cat gives me a boner
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
