i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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