im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
