3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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