if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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