beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
