OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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