Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
