you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
