Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
