hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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