If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
