I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
