Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
