The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
