allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
nutella sex= disaster
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
