Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
