I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
