All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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