Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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