You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
