my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
