I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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