Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
