As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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