I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
