Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
