when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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