We just shotgunned beers for America
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
