my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
