I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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