1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
