My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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