This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
