and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
