508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
