we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
