No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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