i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up under a house in Key West
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