You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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