i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it because I queefed?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
