Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
